4 Guidelines to Break the Co-Dependency Cycle for Good

Surround yourself only with those who will take you higher!  Life is already filled with those who will bring you down.

You know, I’ll admit the first few times I saw this quote I thought to myself “Eh, that’s such a fine line because people might think that a person is choosing not to associate with another out of their ego or pride.  We are all equal, so why should I ever recommend this to anyone?  On the surface it can appear so ego-based.”

There’s a fine line here and it can easily be misinterpreted.  Truly, we are, have been, and always will be equals at a soul level.  On the spiritual plane we are same, but the trick is that when we are in human form, yes there is a difference.  Why?  Because we all have a choice as to how we should live our lives.  Part of our reason for living is to make choices so that we can become better.  The truth is that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness and in order to do that you have to surround yourself with people that are going to allow you to grow.  By expecting someone else to make you happy or feeling a need to make others happy it is an underlying sign of co-dependency, which will always be self-defeating in the grand scheme of things.  If you don’t break the cycle, you will continue to live in this cycle of co-dependency, lack of boundaries, and continue to repress your inner guide.

So how can you break the cycle and set good boundaries for yourself?

1.  Surround yourself with those who are truly working to become better.  This may be a group of your interest.  This could be a yoga class, meditation group, people you meet at your college or university, or even some on a spiritual forum.  This could perhaps be people you have met in passing that are successful in their work who you felt could truly help you.  Now, this is not to say that ALL spiritual-related groups are going to be positive just because they are “spiritual” — you have to trust your intuition on this one as to whether the personalities there are truly good for you or not.

2.  Set boundaries with those who expect you to “cure their boredom”, “entertain them”, or  “make them happy”.  Ultimately, they are only going to drain your energy and keep you in this stagnant cycle.  Break the cycle and set the boundary.  If this is a family member or an old friend then keep in mind that this DOES NOT mean that you do not love this person.  In fact, the fact that you are setting the boundary shows that you do truly love them — allowing them to continue the cycle only continues to hurt them just as much as you are hurting yourself.  This can be tricky with those who you are related to or live nearby, but IT IS POSSIBLE — you just have to be persistent!

3.  Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s “dumping ground” for their problems.  This is not to say that you can’t give advice, support, or help anyone out.  What it means is that you have to set your boundary so that this person isn’t “saturating you” with their problems.  It is NOT okay for you to be a recipient of such negative energy and, if you do truly love this person, you will set the boundary so they can learn the difference.  Again, this is not to say that you can’t help people, but we all have to remember that in order to successfully help people we also have to know where to draw the line between “I can help you up to here, but the rest is all you”.

4.  Finally, trust your intuition with where to drawn the line 100%.  If you get the sense that this person might become defensive, then trust it 100% and follow proper actions to avoid any potential issues.  If you get the vibe that this person may be rather “needy” toward you, then trust your gut and set you boundary that you are not there to make them happy.  At the end of the day, trusting your intuition is honestly the single most effective way at knowing which people are good for you and your evolution and which are not.  Not only that, but your intuition will also tell you how to perfectly handle the situation if you receive any opposition from a person.  Its a really good test to see how intuitively in-touch you truly are if you have someone yelling at you and you are simply not effected at all — the negative energy just seems to repel off of you.

My final  rule of thumb is this:  If the person you are hanging out with is not providing you with a fulfillment of growth, then you need to look within yourself for guidance and perhaps go elsewhere.

For those of us (which are actually most of us) who are living on this co-dependency cycle this may feel like a  bit of “tough love”, but I can assure that this is in fact the only true way that genuine love exists in this world.

 

Related posts:

3 Tips to Release Pain from Your Life

2 Ways to Find Balance Through the “Shit”

How to Unlock the Gold Within Your Shadow

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Angel Therapy Guidance: Sacral Chakra

I felt the need to share another one of my latest Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy Card Deck today to provide some guidance for my readers.  The card I had fall out of the deck was the Sacral Chakra:

It appears that the angels are providing us with a little warning that we may currently be more sensitive to our environments.  This can include energies, processed foods, and chemicals.  We must be sure to be aware of what negative energies we may be picking up from those around us.  We also need to watch our foods at this time.  Eating many processed foods and being exposed to chemicals may rid us of energy more easily.  We must watch our cravings and allow ourselves to be cleared of these energies and chemicals.

To receive angelic healing to release yourself of cravings so you can have inner balance, you should sit in a quiet location and say either silently or aloud: “Archangels Raphael and Michael, please come to me.  I ask that you detoxify my mind, body, and spirit now”. 

Simply breath deeply for a few moments paying close attention to any bodily sensations that occur.  You may feel some sort of tingling and other subtle sensations — simply be quiet and receptive and see what comes to you.

Once your body feels calm be sure to thank the Archangels for their assistance.

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How to Unlock the Gold Within Your Shadow

“We must challenge ourselves to accept all the faces of our humanity; otherwise the characters that got booted off stage and are now repressed will become the silent orchestrators of our secret life.” ~ The Shadow Effect

I saw this quote today as a post by Debbie Ford who is a co-author of the book “The Shadow Effect”.  It is truly a remarkable book that talks about how when we repress ourselves, the “ugliness” emerges that, according to Carl Jung, is referred to as our “shadow”.

Even after reading this book and understanding Jung’s model I’ll say that the shadow can truly appear to be a fine line between the ego.  By definition, they are completely different yet ultimately they are exactly the same.

What I mean by that is this: The ego is how we project ourselves to others.  It is the part of us that is human that allows us to speak the thoughts that come through our mind rather than spirit.  The shadow, on the other hand, is the parts of ourselves that we have repressed.  It develops a child who loved playing music but, because their parents or culture didn’t approve, it is now a repressed part of the child when they are an adult.  The irony, of course, is that what we have repressed in ourselves is that though it may be hurtful and feel shameful to confront, it is ultimately like finding a gold mine.

There are many different guidelines that one can follow in order to recognize and release the shadow within themselves.  Many of which can involve a lot of personal self-reflection at the “ugliness” of your past actions and such.  However, I’ve felt through personal reflection that this concept can be broken down and be quickly resolved in the very present moment by fully choosing to make one simple change.

So how can you completely open yourself to your shadow?  To stop any and all judgment of others and to allow yourself to loving empathy and Divine understanding.

The reason this works is because, truly, we are all connected as one humanity.  If you judge or reject a person rather than understand their struggles and pain then the only thing you are doing is hurting yourself as a result.  That judgment that you now placed upon that person is now a repress part of you.

So how can a person recognize if there is judgment or not?  My rule of thumb is this: If you feel any inner resistance at any time, then your ego-driven mind is speaking.

The second you release yourself of all resistance then you will notice several things happen:

1. You will open yourself to a greater psychic/intuitive awareness.  You will notice more clairvoyance images appear during your day.  You will have more “A ha!” moments.  You may develop a greater “vision” of your life’s path.
2. You will feel a greater sense of universal wisdom.  True wisdom cannot come from studying a textbook or critically analyzing.  True Divine wisdom can only come from a greater connection to the divine source.  I do truly feel like that is what made people like Albert Einstein so incredibly intelligent.
3. You will open yourself to universal love for everything in the world.  You will love the differences, the good and the bad, the challenges, and more — because you can then see and understand the Divine purpose for these things.

Finally, I suggest that you don’t necessarily take this as a linear approach as the human ego-driven mind likes to.  Meaning, reaching these higher levels can be quite variable throughout our lives.  It’s not like a step-by-step program that is going to allow you to “be connected and enlightened” but then never have days where some inner resistance emerges again.  The process is a journey, and we have to support one another and regularly work to maintain balance.  There is no “finish line”, only new and different cycles of challenges.

 

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In spite of everything…

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.” ~ Anne Frank

“Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life…”

Psychology and Spirituality: East vs. West

After living in Korea for a little over a year now, I can say that western and eastern cultures are extremely different.  Well, not merely just extremely different but actually quite the opposite in their way of thinking and doing things.  Western culture so often looks at things logically and “black and white” while eastern cultures, I’ve found, actually encourage sharing emotions, harmony in communities, and developing relationships beyond a mere work environment. Though there are many trends that I’ve noticed and have tried to understand, I’ve felt that I’ve still been missing a bit of a “link” in fully understanding the east — and, after visiting Japan, I have been even more curious to “figure these cultures out”.

Upon the end of my vacation in Japan and arriving back to Korea, I happened to make a new Korean friend along the way.  Luckily through our conversations, I felt much more enlightened about understanding Eastern philosophy and culture versus the west.  These are a few points that I’ve realized that I’ve felt (so far) draws the line of differing philosophies clearly:

• Western Christianity has the philosophy of “You are sinner.  You are bad.  To save you from sin, you need to be educated by the bible and our teachings”.
• Eastern Christianity has the philosophy of “You are a pure being.  What influenced you to sin?  What influenced you to do bad?”
• Eastern culture, in general, has a heavy Buddhism influence.
• Western culture, in general, has a heavy Christian influence.
• The Japanese have two main religions: Shinto and Buddhism, which they kind of influence each other.  Shinto is only Japanese and Buddhism came over from China and Korea.  Other religions are a minority in Japan.  Japan’s Emperor is looked to as a divine being (which correlates to the view of a “hierarchy” and honor your ancestors and God(s) in the east).  During WWII, all  people were told to honor the Emperor.  Clearly, after the atomic bomb and the end of the war this trend ended and Japan had a cultural impact from the US.  This opened them up to a democracy and starting things (slowly) like clinical psychology.
• When considering that Japan still has an Emperor, their government structure is actually more similar to one of the UK.  While South Korea, on the other hand, has a government structure like the US because of the US influence after the Korean civil war.
• The Japanese have had a philosophy of “we need to protect our God” — hence, their past drive for things like suicide missions, which is also a similar philosophy to Muslims.

This Eastern view of questioning “What influenced you to do bad?” is something I find quite fascinating.  This view is even a complete reflection of the police and government’s influence in the east compared to the west.  In western countries, you often see police watching the streets.  They are always wondering “Who is speeding” and to see if you are “Being a good person”.  In the eastern countries, I hardly ever see police.  I have never seen a single person pulled over for speeding.  The reason for this is because they naturally assume that “Everyone is good”.

This differing in philosophy has a greater impact than just with the government and police, but I’ve also seen this in economic and social development in eastern cultures.  When something new is introduced from a different country, the eastern cultures react in a way of “Oh wait, is this bad?  Maybe we should wait it out a bit to check that it is an okay”.

Based on an article about psychology in Japan that I found here, it seems that the country has been rather hesitant into really allowing this “drive to have psychotherapy” from the  states to really take off.  I’ve personally noticed the same trend in South Korea, where, despite a country having the largest suicide rate in the world, there are hardly any therapists.  The reason is because of this cultural philosophy of thought of therapy that says “That tells us we are bad, so how can that be good?”

I can’t help but see a big lesson behind this trend and to feel that it is something that the US and other western countries need to learn is that: You can’t truly help the majority of people by placing the belief on them that they are “bad” with personality disorders, psychological medications, and blaming their parents and family.  It only adds more negative energy, resistance, and keeps people in a stagnant cycle.

I see how the west has certainly done it’s influence on the east and it is producing a positive effect as far as their gradual economic and social growth, but when will the west fully accept and be influenced by eastern philosophy?  I feel that it’s starting and the trends can be found, but there’s still a ways to go.

If there is anyone reading who would be considered from an eastern culture or has lived in an eastern culture, I would love your input!  I can try to understand the cultural differences as much as I can, but it is still something that I’m still really trying to wrap my mind around because my own cultural upbringing has me in a “western” view of thought.

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Why You Should Never Say “I Don’t Have Time”

Have you ever said “I don’t have time?”

Have you ever been stressed out because you’ve felt like “You didn’t have enough time in the day to get everything done”?

I’m sure you have at some point or another, in fact, I’ll even admit that I have more times that I would like to admit, but it is a train of thought that our ego-driven minds like to lead us to as humans.

I came across a quote a while back that basically made the point of: Did famous and successful people have more time than you?  Of course not, so you should never say that you don’t have enough time — everyone has been given the exact same tools, we just have to utilize them most efficiently for ourselves.

Now, from a psychological standpoint I find this cycle that we often place ourselves in to be rather interesting.  We say to ourselves or those around us “I don’t have enough time” yet the paradox is that the thought itself is what causes a greater separation from the present moment. Well silly, of course you don’t think that you have enough time… because you’re wasting all of your precious time by worrying and thinking that you don’t have time! (I have stopped and told myself this on a few cases, upon a quick realization).

The truth is that we are supposed to live for the moment.  We are supposed to take things in, experience it, and move on to the next thing.  We are not supposed to attach ourselves to people or things.  We are not supposed to dwell on emotional disappointments and hurts.  We are only supposed to experience them in the moment, accept them, and move on to the next experience with optimism.

Perhaps some of you may be able to remember back what life was like as a young child.  At a young age, when we still looked to the world with curiosity and endless possibilities, we spent our days playing with toys after toys.  It was exciting to dig a hole outside.  We loved riding in a wagon to the grocery store.  And if we ever fell down, we cried and let it all out and then moved on to the next thing.  We never started crying 2 days later about the bruise on our knee — heck, that was in the past!  So why does it matter, right?  It was at those ages when the days felt long, we were content, and felt rather fulfilled, despite we didn’t actually do all that much activity (as far as “work” goes).

Perhaps this is one of the concepts that was missed in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is this: That those with the most success in life and positive impact for humanity are those that, not only know how to manage time effectively, but live in the cycle of: take in the moment, experience it, and move on to the next thing.  It’s a matter of living with an eye of continuous curiosity and adventure and to not focus on any one thing for too long.

Yes, that may sound a bit ADD or ADHD, but aside from popular belief it is actually a positive way of living.  I can say from experience that you feel much more alive and overall fulfilled. And, as a result, you become even more intuitively in-tune because you are living so much in every single moment.

Now, I’ll admit, it’s been easier for me to become re-attached to this way of being when I’m really doing things I enjoy (like exploring a different country and culture while I’m on vacation), but nevertheless it is still possible to be achieved in day to day life.

I know this is certainly much more easier said than done at times, especially once you are already on the self-defeating cycle, but if you take a day of “I just want to adventure and enjoy X, Y, and Z and I want to be so busy and occupied with it that I have no time to think” it can have a very positive effect on you.

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Angel Therapy Oracle Cards: Card for the Day!

Today I am VERY excited to say that I finally received my Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy deck!  The cards are absolutely gorgeous!

Here’s a short one-card reading for the day: Singing and Dancing.  Take some time today to listen to music and to really feel the energy and beauty behind it.  Sing.  Dance.  Connect to it.  Flow with it.  Unleash the magical power behind it.  Allowing yourself to express yourself musically today may help you to tap in to your divine inner expression and awaken your intuition!

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Need Healing Crystals?

Today during my ventures around Osaka, Japan I found a huge section of healing crystals. I was quite amazed.

Not only that, but I managed to find (without me even seeking it) a Japanese/Korean tarot and numerology reader!

My Long-Anticipated Vacation Has Arrived

Today I am leaving Korea and traveling to Japan for my week-long vacation.  My plans are to visit and tour through Osaka, Hiroshima, Tokyo, Kyoto and any other discoveries along the way.

Once I arrive back, I will be sure to share some of my experiences of visiting the Peace Osaka (WWII) museum, Osaka Castle, Peace Park in Hiroshima, and several Japanese-style temples, shrines, and castles.

So while I am meeting Geishas and savoring Japanese cuisine, you can check out my 2 blog series: The Keys to Happiness and Tarot Reflections if you haven’t already.

You can also subscribe to my e-mail list to receive updates, recommendations, bonus materials, as well as your own free copy of my first e-book “The Secret to Finding True Happiness Today”.

To subscribe and receive your free copy, please click the picture below:

 

 

 

** Please note: I will NOT be able to do any tarot readings, dream interpretations, or numerology reports this week.  If you would like a reading, then you may submit this week but please keep in mind that I will not be able to complete the reading until August 20 at the earliest.

Have a great week! 🙂