Category Archives: Emotions

4 Guidelines to Break the Co-Dependency Cycle for Good

Surround yourself only with those who will take you higher!  Life is already filled with those who will bring you down.

You know, I’ll admit the first few times I saw this quote I thought to myself “Eh, that’s such a fine line because people might think that a person is choosing not to associate with another out of their ego or pride.  We are all equal, so why should I ever recommend this to anyone?  On the surface it can appear so ego-based.”

There’s a fine line here and it can easily be misinterpreted.  Truly, we are, have been, and always will be equals at a soul level.  On the spiritual plane we are same, but the trick is that when we are in human form, yes there is a difference.  Why?  Because we all have a choice as to how we should live our lives.  Part of our reason for living is to make choices so that we can become better.  The truth is that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness and in order to do that you have to surround yourself with people that are going to allow you to grow.  By expecting someone else to make you happy or feeling a need to make others happy it is an underlying sign of co-dependency, which will always be self-defeating in the grand scheme of things.  If you don’t break the cycle, you will continue to live in this cycle of co-dependency, lack of boundaries, and continue to repress your inner guide.

So how can you break the cycle and set good boundaries for yourself?

1.  Surround yourself with those who are truly working to become better.  This may be a group of your interest.  This could be a yoga class, meditation group, people you meet at your college or university, or even some on a spiritual forum.  This could perhaps be people you have met in passing that are successful in their work who you felt could truly help you.  Now, this is not to say that ALL spiritual-related groups are going to be positive just because they are “spiritual” — you have to trust your intuition on this one as to whether the personalities there are truly good for you or not.

2.  Set boundaries with those who expect you to “cure their boredom”, “entertain them”, or  “make them happy”.  Ultimately, they are only going to drain your energy and keep you in this stagnant cycle.  Break the cycle and set the boundary.  If this is a family member or an old friend then keep in mind that this DOES NOT mean that you do not love this person.  In fact, the fact that you are setting the boundary shows that you do truly love them — allowing them to continue the cycle only continues to hurt them just as much as you are hurting yourself.  This can be tricky with those who you are related to or live nearby, but IT IS POSSIBLE — you just have to be persistent!

3.  Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s “dumping ground” for their problems.  This is not to say that you can’t give advice, support, or help anyone out.  What it means is that you have to set your boundary so that this person isn’t “saturating you” with their problems.  It is NOT okay for you to be a recipient of such negative energy and, if you do truly love this person, you will set the boundary so they can learn the difference.  Again, this is not to say that you can’t help people, but we all have to remember that in order to successfully help people we also have to know where to draw the line between “I can help you up to here, but the rest is all you”.

4.  Finally, trust your intuition with where to drawn the line 100%.  If you get the sense that this person might become defensive, then trust it 100% and follow proper actions to avoid any potential issues.  If you get the vibe that this person may be rather “needy” toward you, then trust your gut and set you boundary that you are not there to make them happy.  At the end of the day, trusting your intuition is honestly the single most effective way at knowing which people are good for you and your evolution and which are not.  Not only that, but your intuition will also tell you how to perfectly handle the situation if you receive any opposition from a person.  Its a really good test to see how intuitively in-touch you truly are if you have someone yelling at you and you are simply not effected at all — the negative energy just seems to repel off of you.

My final  rule of thumb is this:  If the person you are hanging out with is not providing you with a fulfillment of growth, then you need to look within yourself for guidance and perhaps go elsewhere.

For those of us (which are actually most of us) who are living on this co-dependency cycle this may feel like a  bit of “tough love”, but I can assure that this is in fact the only true way that genuine love exists in this world.

 

Related posts:

3 Tips to Release Pain from Your Life

2 Ways to Find Balance Through the “Shit”

How to Unlock the Gold Within Your Shadow

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Angel Therapy Guidance: Sacral Chakra

I felt the need to share another one of my latest Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy Card Deck today to provide some guidance for my readers.  The card I had fall out of the deck was the Sacral Chakra:

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It appears that the angels are providing us with a little warning that we may currently be more sensitive to our environments.  This can include energies, processed foods, and chemicals.  We must be sure to be aware of what negative energies we may be picking up from those around us.  We also need to watch our foods at this time.  Eating many processed foods and being exposed to chemicals may rid us of energy more easily.  We must watch our cravings and allow ourselves to be cleared of these energies and chemicals.

To receive angelic healing to release yourself of cravings so you can have inner balance, you should sit in a quiet location and say either silently or aloud: “Archangels Raphael and Michael, please come to me.  I ask that you detoxify my mind, body, and spirit now”. 

Simply breath deeply for a few moments paying close attention to any bodily sensations that occur.  You may feel some sort of tingling and other subtle sensations — simply be quiet and receptive and see what comes to you.

Once your body feels calm be sure to thank the Archangels for their assistance.

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Need Guidance?  Book a Tarot Reading today starting as low as $15?

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In spite of everything…

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death.” ~ Anne Frank

An Article to Distinguish Lust vs. Love

I found an article today on BoldSky that discusses the difference between lust vs. love.  It goes into a bit of detail about how one can be deciphered by the other and how lust is rooted in ignorance or anger.

Personally, I feel that this can be quite a complex subject and I’m still attempting to sort out how the line (that can be very fine) can be drawn.  Once I sort thoughts I bit more I may create my own post, but in the mean time you can read this article and provide your own thoughts and comments if you wish: How To Drop Lust and Nurture Love .

A Secret Cure to Co-dependency: Cord Cutting

These past few weeks via dream messages and symbols I’ve felt the pull to explore Angels and Angel healing.  For any of those who are familiar with anything metaphysical may know, Doreen Virtue’s materials are virtually the epitome of learning all things about connecting to and working with Angels for healing purposes.  So I’ve purchased one of her books and have ordered one of her oracle decks.

The other day I studied and read her information about “cord cutting”.  Cord cutting is basically a way that we can “cut cords” with people in our lives who we have (or had) toxic relationships with.  Basically, any person who has the desire to rely on someone else for their happiness is, to some degree, a co-dependent trait.  There are many books currently available on how to free yourself of co-dependency and many of these books and articles I have read at some point.  However, the trouble I have noticed with the majority of materials available are these two things:

  1. Despite “setting boundaries” people still tend to naturally act out of their ego by holding on to anger in their actions.  They struggle to really forgive the person — and even after they have cried and have followed the instructions they’ve been told to “forgive” they still experience negative energy.
  2. The person is still unable to provide happiness for themselves.  Even though they have set boundaries, they are still filled with negative energy and have trouble finding inner balance in order to achieve happiness and feel genuine love in their hearts.

Why is this?  The answer goes beyond what our conscious minds can be aware of because it is an unconscious occurrence.  What happens is this: Even though we have made actions to remove ourselves from this person and attempt to make inner changes, we still feel negative energy because we are still unconsciously connected to this person.  This “connection” can be referred to as the “cord” and hence why this is called “cord cutting”.  Because this involves energy work beyond our mind’s control, we have to look to spirit for assistance.

We can cut our cords by calling upon our angels and Archangel Michael.  The process can be done fairly quickly and it can be done in a short meditation and by paying attention close attention to the feelings and sensations around you.  Doreen Virtue also points out that after a cord cutting, you may also receive messages from those you have “cut your cord” from because they will think of you, but not be consciously sure why.

I actually tried out this “cord cutting” ritual/meditation for myself the other night.  I felt very much so at peace afterward and I actually slept better that night than I had in a long time.  In fact, my dreams were very balanced and, in my dream, I felt that I had almost an “angelic mother” near me to help guide.

Coincidentally, just as Doreen forewarned, I did receive a couple messages the next morning from people and they really didn’t have any reason to send a message.

3 Tips to Release Pain From Your Life

Have you ever had someone get mad at you for something but you had no idea what the purpose was?

If you are a human, this would likely be a feeling that is a default experience to living.  Because of our ego-driven human nature, people are always bound to feel anger, frustration, guilt, depression, etc. at some point.  Of course depending on our own unique personalities and strengths and weaknesses for this life, the way we experience it can vary.  For instance, in my case I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve really felt “anger” towards a person.  Frustration? Sure.  Guilt?  Definitely. But anger?  It’s a bit of a foreign concept to me.

However, regardless of whether we experience anger, guilt, frustration, stress, etc. they are all negative secondary emotions and they all lead back to the same primary emotion: Pain.

Now, the way that we experience pain is quite interesting, as this is something that occurred to me over an experience this weekend.   The reality is this:  Pain is a recycled energy.  When we experience pain, the initial pain that we have felt was often given to us by someone.  Perhaps it was the pain of a parent or teacher from childhood.  Perhaps there is pain rooted from an argument with an old friend.  Regardless of the source, once we have that pain channeled to us we must let it go at that exact point in time.  If we do not, then we continue to carry this pain with us and continue the cycle by channeling this negative energy onto others — which can certainly keep us in a stagnant cycle of holding negative energies in our lives.

So how can a person break free of these negative energies?

1.  Always cry — and I mean ALWAYS.  This is something that so many of us have learned not to do because it is so often not considered “appropriate” in society.  The reason is because often times people are still in an ego-driven mentality of “Oh your crying and that’s weak so I’m better than you” even though they are clearly angry and are holding on to pain at their core as well.  The truth is that crying is a reflection of that core pain.  When we  allow ourselves to cry immediately we can feel ourselves from repressing and holding on to that pain.  Instead of telling yourself “crying is inappropriate” or  “crying is only for babies” allow yourself to fully feel that pain in that moment.  You’ll ultimately feel better and you’ll notice that it actually feels more natural.  Of course, if you are concerned about the place that you are in, then I recommend finding a quiet place where you can be alone for a while to cry and let it out.

2.  Pray for guidance and help.  This is another thing that is interesting about human nature.  We recycle this pain and then express it onto others by choosing not to believe in things that we cannot see with our eyes or be proven through science.  Yet, in the most painful moments most everyone will find themselves in prayer.  Why?  Because it is only natural for us to know that the only path we can follow that can free ourselves from the pain in the world is through the spirit.  Its an unconscious knowing, though our conscious minds don’t always want to believe it.

3.  Forgive.  Though we may choose to cry and pray when experiencing pain, if we do not forgive ourselves and others then we still have not freed ourselves.  What we have to mentally understand and tell ourselves in these moments of pain is to keep these  two thoughts in mind:

  • The person who hurt me did not know any better.  They were likely blocked by their own beliefs, repressed hurts, and ego-drives.  Also, the more you are able to logically understand what is going on within that person via empathy and knowledge, the easier it is to let go of any hurt, because by understanding you are not, in turn, reacting out of your ego.
  • I did not know any better at that point in time.   We are always evolving and learning.  If we were not and did everything perfectly, then we wouldn’t be living right now.  The only way that a person could possibly diffuse all or any pain expressed to them from someone else would be if that person is enlightened…. which, very few actually attain and sustain.  Therefore, there is no reason to allow yourself to hold on to any guilt.  You can simply tell yourself “Well now I see the importance of my spiritual growth — I can learn to diffuse it all together so I can truly help that person.”

 

Tarot Card of August 2012: The Moon – How to Overcome Fear

I have recently decided to do a short video at the beginning of every month for “Tarot of the Month”.  For August 2012, the card I received was the Moon.  Check out my video below for a deeper understanding of the moon and some tips on how to cope with the challenges this card represents.

I hope that was beneficial to you!  If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions then feel free to comment below!

2 Tips to Help Settle Your Stomach for Good

Most everyone has dealt with an upset stomach at some point in their lives.  Much of the human population today suffers from frequent heartburn, diarrhea, bloating, or constipation.  More and more people every day are being diagnosed with gluten intolerance or other Irritable Bowel Diseases (IBD).  Even more are being diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), which is particularly more dominant in young females.

Along with so many of my fellow friends and peers around my age, I myself am also have IBS symptoms and have been struggling to find balance with it for several years.  For this post, I would like to go through some of my experiences of what I have found works and what doesn’t work.

In Western Medicine, most digestive issues are treated with either synthetic medications or dietary changes.  A good portion of the US population is spending large portions of money each year in hopes to “cure” their chronic digestive issues.  With the recent discoveries of traces of IBD and IBS, this has influenced Western Medicine to invent detox diets, promote diets with high fiber, and promote overall healthy eating.

From my personal experience, I can say that with my IBS I had no options with medications nor was I really in favor of allowing myself to become dependent on them because I realized early on that it simply doesn’t work in the long term.  Rather than cure the issue, it only fixes the issue for that moment.  And even then, the any medication I’ve used  would make the issue worse over time.

As a result, I jumped on to a big health kick.  Many of my old roommates can certainly confirm my strong motivation on eating healthy.  I have often been the one ordering a anything vegetarian — and not for the reason that I’m vegetarian, but because I knew it would be better for my stomach than large portions of meat, dairy, and starches.

I’ve also often purchased herbal cleansing kits and followed the diets of all-natural foods along with it.  Though following this type of diet and still allowing myself to go out and be social was difficult, I did notice a difference in digestion and felt better overall after a 7 or 14 day cleanse.

Since that time I have now moved to Korea, which certainly has different food available from Western cultures.  Whole grain foods are difficult to find and very expensive, food is often spicy, and vegetables are often in the forms of roots rather than the vegetables we are used to in the US.  And needless to say, despite my attempts to find a way to balance it in this environment, I wasn’t quite doing as well as I hoped.  The probiotics of kimchi and vegetables in bibimbop just wasn’t quite working for me, and I kept feeling that the spice was triggering heartburn.

As a result, I found myself a Chinese Medicine doctor to receive acupuncture and herbs.  After about 6 treatments, I found myself perfectly normal again.  Like, I forgot what “normal” actually felt like until I had these treatments.  For a few weeks I took 20 small pills of chinese herbs after every meal and had needles put in my stomach under a heat lamp.

And you know the best part?  I could eat anything.  Yes and I mean ANYTHING!  I could go to Baskin Robbins and eat ice cream every day without a fear of eating too much dairy.  I could eat spicy and had no heartburn.  I experienced no bloating or abdominal cramps.  And I must say — it was amazing!

In Chinese medicine, the cause for IBS is a Qi Spleen Deficiency (and other digestive issues can as well).  If you have a deficiency in Qi you can actually tell by looking at your tongue.  If there are teeth indentations then it means that you are lacking Qi energy.  What causes it?  Often stress and emotions.  Which, of course, leads to my next issue…

… it didn’t last.  I wish I could say that all was well and Chinese Medicine worked jubilantly and I never had to get a treatment again, but no.

Why didn’t it work?  Based on my experience and self observation I can only think of one reason: Ego is too often present.  Meaning, the reason that it didn’t work is because there is still more thinking than living in the moment.  I can say that in all of my personal experience that the only time that I had a perfectly balanced system without watching diet or  using herbs was when I was so busy that I had no time to think.  I was constantly running around teaching, organizing, directing, and preparing.  I was spread thin every single day with time to do things yet.  Why did it work?  Because with the work I was doing I was constantly overcoming fears and acting out of my intuition rather than my mind.  Any past hurts or fears didn’t exist in those moments because I had no time to even have them cross my mind.  All I could talk and think about was what I had to do later than day and tomorrow and developing new ideas.

So what are my 2 suggestions to help settle your gut?

1.  Try acupuncture.  It truly does help you to release and balance your emotions.  The trick is that is that you also need to keep suggestion number 2 in mind.

2.  Live in the moment.  Quite the mind and allow yourself to be fully engaged through spirit in each and every moment.

Of course, the second suggestion can be the ultimate struggle for many.  This is why I am providing this recommended reading:

Irritable Bowl Syndrome: A TCM Perspective

Yin Yang House: Exploring Wellness East and West

Irritable Bowl Syndrome: A Traditional Chinese Medicine Perspective

“Perfect Digestion” by Deepak Chopra, MD (a Indian medicine approach to IBS)

“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle (its like therapy to read it by influencing you to quiet the mind)

Tarot Reflections: The Empress

Basic Nature of the Empress:  Nurturing, loving, fertility, growth, beauty, passionate, manifestation.

Rider-Waite Deck: The Empress

The Empress is the ultimate archetype of motherhood and femininity.  She is ruled by the planet Venus and can be thought of as the Mother Earth or Goddess of Fertility.  Like the High Priestess, the Empress can also be represented by our inner female or the anima (the female part within men).  Though both of these cards can be represented by female energy, there is a distinct difference between the two.  While the High Priestess is known to be the “link” into our unconscious realm, the Empress is about manifestation and fertility.  From a more literal perspective, the Empress can symbolize in a tarot reading a sign of pregnancy.  However, this is certainly not where the true Empress energy ends — in fact, there is SO much more to that than many people realize!  True Empress energy in it’s full essence is the about taking all those inspirations that you have received through your unconscious (High Priestess) and fully expressing that out to the world creatively and with an enormous amount of love and passion to benefit humanity behind it!

Have you ever had a pregnancy dream when you are not pregnant?  This is a sign of the true Empress energy coming forth and what can come from these dreams is a motivation to fully create from love.  (On a personal note, the morning after a pregnancy dream was the day I came up with the idea to create this site).  It is for reasons like this that I can see why spiritual teachers such as Eckhart Tolle have commented that women are closer to enlightenment than men — because the true energy of the Empress has no desire to compete with others in their creative pursuits, but to rather create a harmonic community to benefit everyone.  So women have a bit of the advantage with this.  However, I do feel that once women can express more of this Empress-type of energy then the men will soon follow.

The Empress is also more extraverted creativity.  In contrast to the Magician, which is more introverted creativity.  Both are able to co-create with the Divine, but the Magician is more like Albert Einstein doing math equations in his basement while the Empress is more like Audrey Hepburn representing UNICEF on behalf of starving children.  Both are very different, yet still creative in their approach.

Basic meaning:  The Empress can represent a person who is driven to express themselves through genuine love and passion for everything they do and experience.  It can also represent empathy, compassion, and understanding for others.  It may also signify that the seeds you have planted in your new business venture or project are going to grow and become exactly what you have envisioned.  The Empress is pure emotion with a deep intuitive connection to spirit at it’s best.

Lessons:  The Empress teaches us to love and have passion for everything in life.  It is through the energy represented by the Empress that we can free ourselves of limiting beliefs and judgments and allow true love to fully flow.  Unfortunately, we live in a world were a considerable amount of this energy is blocked (represented as a reversal in a reading) and the result are anxieties, pain, co-dependency, depression, lack of confidence, etc.  Often the cause for this, either directly or indirectly, is the negative energy that we absorb from the world filled with judgments, wars, fighting, and overall lack of harmony and genuine support — all of which are ego-based drives.   If we take the time to look at the world with an eye that every experience is a new challenge for our own personal growth and development, rather than with hurt and disappointment, we can allow ourselves to truly be guided in our lives by our own inner love to achieve full happiness.

How does one live like the Empress?  To live following the underlying lessons of the Empress, we should implement these habits into our daily life:

1.  Spend time giving gratitude and appreciation to everyone and everything in life — and not only the good, and the bad as well.  It can become difficult when we continuously see all of the bad things wrong with the world in the news or through peers.  However, when we appreciate and choose to love the bad for existing, that we can then release such painful emotions and allow love to flow in.

2.  Choose to understand and have empathy for each and every human being.  We are all on our own unique paths and our own stage in growth with our own battles.  If we all lived life the same then life would be too easy and we would have nothing to learn.  So whenever you feel guilt or pain arise tell yourself “This is a part of my journey and growth.  This is of benefit to my evolution in this lifetime, so I forgive myself and whoever else was involved.”

3.  Give and help others openly and freely.  It is taking the time for the little things that can trigger those compassionate energies to flow again.

4.  Create not with a desire to gain “stability” or “success” but rather from a source of complete love and passion for how you can benefit others.  It is then and only then that you can truly provide yourself true stability and success in life.

With a final note, I will comment that in implementing these four suggestions cannot be and should not be acted upon solely based on the mental awareness.  Merely grasping the idea with the mind is ego-influenced.  For true healing, you have to feel a connection to it within your own heart.  You can tell yourself, but then allow yourself to really feel it.

(Personal note from Jennifer: I thank all of you for reading this post and gain benefit and inspiration through this.  Writing on this particular topic has been like therapy to me for my own healing.  I truly hope that others can at least achieve a step in their own healing by reading.  Many blessings!)

The Limitation of Thought

I recently came across a post with a thought pointing that “Emotional negativity is the cause of a lack of intelligence”.  I kind of laughed to myself a bit, in reflecting on how this frame of thinking is so common among particularly young guys that I have dealt with or even older guys (though that, of course, depends on the individual).  I can’t blame them for it because I can empathize with their perception, but at the same time it seems to ring within me this reminder of trends that males can have toward the female gender.

Are emotions the problem?  Or the better question is: Is intelligence the answer?  Yes and no to both — for a number of reasons.

First, emotions should never be looked to as a problem of any sorts.  The second we look to emotions as a problem then that causes greater inner resistance (no matter who you are or what your view or opinion is because you are, therefore, making a judgement).  This then causes us to want to PUSH away those emotions and feelings rather than accept them for what they are in that moment and releasing them.

Can intelligence help to reduce the effect of negative emotions?  Sure, because being more aware of your thought pattern can certainly reduce the chances of having some negative emotional outburst.  If you stop the limiting or negative thought from occurring first, then chances are you might not have any bad emotions.

But yet — it STILL becomes more complicated than that, especially in the case of women because so many of us are highly empathetic.  All of the empaths out there can easily walk into any room and pick up on all the good and bad energies of those in that area.  I can certainly relate to this more than I’d probably like to admit some days.  By living in a country where the people have a high stress level, are CONSTANTLY rushing, and often subconsciously have negative views and beliefs of foreigners, it can be quite emotionally draining some days and it’s not even so much my own thinking that initially triggers it (I may get discuss that farther in another post).

Now, jumping back for a moment, is mere intelligence the answer?  Not really because that only does so much.  You may understand how to run and drive the car but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll never get into an accident.  There is another level that has to be reached.  Also, I often feel that a high focus on mere intelligence often reduces the amount of compassion and understanding that a person has for others — and so it entraps the knowledgeable one equally as much.  The second one has that simple thought of “I know more than you” it now places that person at the same level as the one with the negative emotions.

In the general population, what we so often fail to realize is that it is the thoughts in themselves that are causing this seemingly never ending cycle effect.  It maintains this limiting frame of mind of “them versus me” — but it’s completely an illusion.  It’s all rooted in our ego and shadow selves.

So what’s the first step to breaking the cycle?  As Eckhart Tolle stressed in his books and what is the base in various meditations is the clearing of the mind.  To realize what thoughts and beliefs that you have developed through your culture and experiences.  To realize that by focusing all your thoughts on the past and the future is weakening you.  This is the initial cycle to break — at least for mostly men anyway, as I can’t help but continue to feel that women need something else to counteract this cycle.

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