4 Guidelines to Break the Co-Dependency Cycle for Good

Surround yourself only with those who will take you higher!  Life is already filled with those who will bring you down.

You know, I’ll admit the first few times I saw this quote I thought to myself “Eh, that’s such a fine line because people might think that a person is choosing not to associate with another out of their ego or pride.  We are all equal, so why should I ever recommend this to anyone?  On the surface it can appear so ego-based.”

There’s a fine line here and it can easily be misinterpreted.  Truly, we are, have been, and always will be equals at a soul level.  On the spiritual plane we are same, but the trick is that when we are in human form, yes there is a difference.  Why?  Because we all have a choice as to how we should live our lives.  Part of our reason for living is to make choices so that we can become better.  The truth is that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness and in order to do that you have to surround yourself with people that are going to allow you to grow.  By expecting someone else to make you happy or feeling a need to make others happy it is an underlying sign of co-dependency, which will always be self-defeating in the grand scheme of things.  If you don’t break the cycle, you will continue to live in this cycle of co-dependency, lack of boundaries, and continue to repress your inner guide.

So how can you break the cycle and set good boundaries for yourself?

1.  Surround yourself with those who are truly working to become better.  This may be a group of your interest.  This could be a yoga class, meditation group, people you meet at your college or university, or even some on a spiritual forum.  This could perhaps be people you have met in passing that are successful in their work who you felt could truly help you.  Now, this is not to say that ALL spiritual-related groups are going to be positive just because they are “spiritual” — you have to trust your intuition on this one as to whether the personalities there are truly good for you or not.

2.  Set boundaries with those who expect you to “cure their boredom”, “entertain them”, or  “make them happy”.  Ultimately, they are only going to drain your energy and keep you in this stagnant cycle.  Break the cycle and set the boundary.  If this is a family member or an old friend then keep in mind that this DOES NOT mean that you do not love this person.  In fact, the fact that you are setting the boundary shows that you do truly love them — allowing them to continue the cycle only continues to hurt them just as much as you are hurting yourself.  This can be tricky with those who you are related to or live nearby, but IT IS POSSIBLE — you just have to be persistent!

3.  Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s “dumping ground” for their problems.  This is not to say that you can’t give advice, support, or help anyone out.  What it means is that you have to set your boundary so that this person isn’t “saturating you” with their problems.  It is NOT okay for you to be a recipient of such negative energy and, if you do truly love this person, you will set the boundary so they can learn the difference.  Again, this is not to say that you can’t help people, but we all have to remember that in order to successfully help people we also have to know where to draw the line between “I can help you up to here, but the rest is all you”.

4.  Finally, trust your intuition with where to drawn the line 100%.  If you get the sense that this person might become defensive, then trust it 100% and follow proper actions to avoid any potential issues.  If you get the vibe that this person may be rather “needy” toward you, then trust your gut and set you boundary that you are not there to make them happy.  At the end of the day, trusting your intuition is honestly the single most effective way at knowing which people are good for you and your evolution and which are not.  Not only that, but your intuition will also tell you how to perfectly handle the situation if you receive any opposition from a person.  Its a really good test to see how intuitively in-touch you truly are if you have someone yelling at you and you are simply not effected at all — the negative energy just seems to repel off of you.

My final  rule of thumb is this:  If the person you are hanging out with is not providing you with a fulfillment of growth, then you need to look within yourself for guidance and perhaps go elsewhere.

For those of us (which are actually most of us) who are living on this co-dependency cycle this may feel like a  bit of “tough love”, but I can assure that this is in fact the only true way that genuine love exists in this world.


Related posts:

3 Tips to Release Pain from Your Life

2 Ways to Find Balance Through the “Shit”

How to Unlock the Gold Within Your Shadow


Need Guidance?  Book a Tarot Reading today starting as low as $15!


About Jennifer Twardowski

Jennifer is a graduate student in transpersonal counseling psychology. Her interests are in personality typology (MBTI, Enneagram, Jungian typology), expressive arts, dreams, yoga, tarot and oracle cards, world religions, dance, photography, gardening, floral design, and more!

Posted on August 27, 2012, in Emotions, Happiness, Love, Spirituality and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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